Where did all this debt come from?

Expecting the heavy squad around any minute. Without realising it we’ve got ourselves into debt… serious debt. Just can’t figure out what we’ve spent the money on, let alone how we’re going to pay it back. But Linda and I owe more than £32,000.

And things aren’t getting better. We could cope with the interest of £115 per month, but in August we had to borrow another £630 to keep afloat.

Been in denial for a while about the whole mess. Debt is nothing new since we’ve typically owed about £10,000 in the past. But this is a whole different scale so we’ve had to think really hard about what we can do. Best we’ve come up with so far is a garage sale, when we’ll try and get a few bob for stuff we don’t really need. Reckon it’ll be worth about £630, though we may not get that since everyone’s selling. Hmmm… just realised it’s only the amount we borrowed in August, so obviously it’s not going to make much of an impact.

Sounds bad? Well, fear not… Gordon Brown to the rescue! What I’ve described above is the state of the UK finances. Gordon says he’s the best person to deal with the mess… ‘cause he got us into it??? And when he sells off assets like the Dartford Crossing we’ll find ourselves paying money to private owners to use an asset we’ve already long since paid off in crossing fees… really bright!

So here’s what I’m doing to save money. If you find they work for you and feel generous as a result you might want to consider donating 10% to the family hardship fund so I can pay off my share of the national debt that much sooner!

• My main present this Christmas will be The Road Kill Cookbook.
• All my dirty shirts are now going to the charity shop. They’ll wash and iron them and I can then buy them back for about 50p.
• Don’t be surprised if you find lots of voicemail messages from me. I’ll be ringing when I know you’re not in and leaving a message so you ring me back. If I do find you in the line will go dead after we’ve been chatting for about a minute (‘cause I’ll have put my receiver down). I’ll wait ‘till you call me back (which people always do), express surprise that the call ended, and continue the conversation at your expense.
• Will be living off free samples. For example I’m going to put the contents of free ketchup, salt, pepper and sugar sachets into empty branded bottles so the family don’t twig.

  
• Can save cash in the pub by letting mates buy the first three rounds… by the fourth they’ll have forgotten whose turn it is and at least one will be on halves by then.
• I already wash the car in the rain.
• This year I’m telling everyone we’re going away for Christmas and they’ll get presents when we get back… so I can buy their gifts in the New Year sales.
• I’ve just finished sewing all our teabags down the middle and then cutting them in half.
• My credit card is now frozen in a block of ice… filled a container with water and froze it in there so if there's something I want, waiting for the card to defrost will give me ample time to reconsider that purchase.
• I’m going for an interview with both the St John Ambulance and the Fire Services as a volunteer… can watch free Premiership football matches while waiting for a call out.
• Aiming to be much more attentive while in the supermarket checkout queue. If the person in front of me doesn't have a club card I’ll offer them mine… think of all those extra club points!

 

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