Men v women

Been pondering the fact that the two sexes really do seem to come from different planets. And despite years of hard effort trying to get it right I still forget those differences and fall flat on my face. You’ll gather the kitchen project didn’t quite get the enthusiastic welcome I was hoping for.

But hey, if you can’t smile and drag something funny out of the ashes of failure what’s it all about? So here are a few amusing thoughts on the differences between men and women… from a man’s viewpoint of course!

• If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for the evening they call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out together they call each other fat boy, divot and haggis.
  
  
• From a man’s viewpoint ‘yes’ and ‘no’ are perfectly acceptable answers to most questions. So is a grunt, but that’ll cause problems if overused. The answer to ‘what did I just say’ is not ‘something really interesting’. And if you really want trouble, answer ‘who was that on the ‘phone?’ with ‘nobody’.
  
  
• Although fat boy, divot and haggis are always impressed when you speak of your cool car, discourse on football or display your physical prowess by hurdling over a parking barrier in a single bound, it would be a mistake to think your lady will think likewise.
  
  
• From your viewpoint you and your mates get infinitely more attractive and witty when drunk… amazing how quickly that all changes as you pass over the doorstep.
  
  
• Beer is as exciting for men as handbags are for women.
  

And the kitchen project? I’ll never learn, will I? That I’m a half pint full person and Linda’s the empty bit. So when I enthusiastically told her we were going to get a new kitchen fitted next week and got ready to show the preparatory work… plan, sample photos and detailed costing… I hit a brick wall. So it’s not going to happen.

I’ve managed people for years and year. I’ve studied things like team performance to establish a clear sense of purpose, well understood norms of behaviour, measurable success indicators, clear roles and responsibilities and operating rules. I recognise the importance of Belbin team roles and Tuckman's stages of group development. Even Maslow's hierarchy of needs to understand motivation.

Why then at home do I always go in like a bull at a gate full of enthusiasm and completely misread the situation?